Sticks and Stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you!
Words hurt a lot, especially when they come from someone you love. They have a lasting effect and create open wounds that may never close. There are people in your life that you assume you are safe to be vulnerable with. But when those are the people that use that information as a weapon against you, the effect can be lasting; if you let it.
That is what this blog post is about. How do we put those incidents into perspective with who we know we are?
I struggle with this as well. I am not sure that I have found the right way yet. But one thing I do when plagued with these thoughts is to remind myself of the good things people have said to me. I also remind myself of the things I know to be true about me. Finally, I reflect on the incident that may have led up to those words. Many times these incidents reflect a high stress and worry. People don’t always act their best at this time. Then FORGIVE!
I have developed a mantra to help me move through self doubt. I tell myself this as many times as it takes.
I also remember that words matter and choose my own words carefully!
How do you heal the wounds created by words?
Creating a buzz ¯`•.¸¸.ஐ
Not that kind of branding…. creating your image is what can set you apart from your competition. This takes some thoughtful reflection on what it takes to be the authentic “YOU.”
To begin with, you can look at your core values. These are values you use that guide most of your life decisions. An example would be education. I have always loved learning new things; in my 40s I got my MBA; last year I learned to Salsa and have begun reading anything to help me in my self discovery. I always say to my kids, “when you stop learning, you are dying.”
I have 5 that are the guiding values for my life. I suggest having at least 3-4. Write them down; with every decision, ask yourself, “is this in line with my core values?” As we move forward, this will be the foundation for our image we portray in our marketing and will be how we handle objections, validate ourselves and create relationships.
Would love to hear your core values and how they guide you.
Creating a buzz……
Life has changed so much over the last 2 1/2 years. Those things that I worried about never came to fruition. Some things I thought would be my stabilizers were never really there.
I was reflecting one day when my daughter came up and asked what I was doing. I told her that I was simply thinking about the last couple of years. I explained that I felt I had made some pretty big/bad mistakes and that I worried that the scars might affect my children in a permanent and negative way.
As with all my children, she was not afraid to be painfully honest. She said, “Mom, I have seen you down twice in my life (18 years), and each time you come back better than before. It is your resilience that I admire so much.”
Resilient? Me? I really thought it was so much less than that. I just get up everyday, faced with what needs to be done and know I can do it. I had not seen myself as she had. I simply saw the day to day. As I have said before: “small steps taken consistently over a long period of time with faith and burning desire,” kept me focused on just what I could do today.
Life knocks us all down and it is how we handle the aftermath that counts. From her point of reference, that ability to never give up, keep pushing forward affected her in such a positive way. In her I saw a reflection of myself. For that moment, I know that I had given a gift that would take her a long way on her journey.
What lasting gift have you given through your journey?
Picture from pin by Anya Griffin on yoga life | Pinterest
What does it mean to be yourself? Who else could you be? This isn’t a masquerade. It seems to me that I have always tried to please others and fit in. Was I born like that or was I conditioned? I think there was a combination of things.
First, growing up in a small southern town appearances were everything. You never let anyone see a flaw. You leave your home fully dressed, make up on and hair done. You want to be the smartest kid in school, but you are told that you don’t work up to your potential. You are told you don’t practice the right religion, so you are relegated to the back of the room to teach yourself. Because your parents have a drink at night before dinner, there are kids that can’t come to your house. So you learn pretty quick to cover things up. Smile and never let them see the real you.
But then there was the self confidence issue. I could have used a whole lot more than I had. Every time I looked in the mirror, I said things like, “you are too fat, your hair won’t cooperate for the perfect “Farrah Fawcett” style,” and how you did not work up to your potential….focused on the bad and then spent so much time trying to cover that up as well.
After years and years of this, I forgot what made me, me! I had to remove that mask and start being myself, say no when I wanted, be angry when I wanted and do things the way I wanted, not what was expected.
Guess what? My confidence has grown. I feel happy, even exuberant. A couple of different people that I see only occasionally have said, “something is different about you; did you change the color of your hair? You look great.” It is just the happiness that shows on my face.
BE YOURSELF, EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKEN.
Creating a buzz…
What do I want? How many times have you asked yourself that very question?
“I am almost never sure about what I want, but I am always sure about what I don’t want.”
This quote reminds me to know my values and always stick to them. This way I won’t compromise who I am. I really did sit down and write down my values. I know my top five and always ask myself does this match with my values.
That would relate to dating, work, and family. It also helps when asked to donate to charity. Once you begin to act consistently with your values, you become an authentic person. Your words and actions are consistent.
When you start to live this way you will be surprised how much easier decision making will be and how confident you will feel.
Do you know your top 5 values?
Creating a buzz…..
I want to tell you about my friend. She is a wonderful and giving person. She has raised 3 children to adulthood; all college graduates. She has run her own business for greater than 20 years; owns her own home and a second home on the beach with her fiancee. She is the “go to” person when other business people have an important function to attend and want to look their best. She has been successful – when many in her field have never really achieved financial success.
She has built a reputation in our community has an honest, reliable and professional business woman. However, there is one thing that I would like to tell her….. Stop selling yourself short. Being smart has nothing to do with a piece of paper.
My friend has been a business woman and hair stylist for many years. She recently sold her business and now works part time. She gave many young women a start in the business and helped them build their clientele. However, she makes comments about not being smart or not having a college degree.
I want her to know and all the women out there that selling your success short is wrong!!! Admiration for your acumen and ability to figure it out is amazing. This is something many of our young ladies can aspire to. I think about all the young women my friend has touched by either making them feel beautiful or showing them how to run their business successfully.
With or without a piece of paper, success doesn’t come easy. Those that achieve it should never down play themselves. Stand tall and…
create a buzz…..
Why do we find fault with other women? Does it really make us feel better? Does our self esteem need to tear down someone to feel better about ourselves? Can you imagine the power women would have if we were able to acknowledge each other’s gifts and talents? Give a compliment? Find something positive in each other? Instead of trying to stand alone, why not band together and encourage, coach and mentor women around us to achieve more?
Women still have a hard time breaking the glass ceiling. Since 2010 the number or women executives in the Fortune 500 has remained just above 14%. We need to start talking about and believing that we are good enough to run these corporations. Lifting those future women leaders up should be the motivation of all women.
Culturally, men have what we call the “good ole boy network” to help young men move forward.
I feel that we need to have the same thing for women. To assist our generation in moving forward and taking charge, but also, to assist our future generations of women break that glass ceiling.
How can you help? How can we all help?
Creating a buzz….
Let’s bee the “Wind Beneath My Wings,” for our gender!
I took a test to see if I was having a midlife crisis. Why would I do that, you ask? Well, I in my 50’s, shouldn’t I be?
Well the test said no. Hmmmmm.
That got me thinking about what is a midlife crisis and how does it affect women? Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, as young women, we were told that we could be anything, do anything, have anything… REALLY? We saw our mothers keep a clean house, have dinner on the table at the same time every night and be involved in school activities. Many times they would have a job such as a nurse, secretary or teacher. Roles that were considered feminine by that generation. Smart women were simply kept back from achieving really financial success in their career.
Now, as their daughters, in our 50’s and 60’s we might have an empty nest, achieved success in our business ventures, be married or divorced and are still looking for what is next? We are restless and asking: Is this all there is? Now what?
We have held our standards so high that the dream of having it all was an impossible task. The perfect family: can I say let’s put the fun back in dysfunctional? The greatest career: I have been doing the same thing for 30 years. The perfect house: 3 kids, 2 dogs, need I say more. A perfectly prepared meal every night at 6:00 pm: I hate to cook.
For me, I had to get my nose bloody. I was totally lost as a person. I did not know who I was or what I wanted with MY life. So instead of a midlife crisis, I call it a midlife quest. A quest to redefine myself, my way. I don’t want my identity to be defined by others, my job or what I like to do. It should be defined by the values I hold.
More on values soon…
Creating a buzz…..
I heard something on a video series that I subscribe to that stated that when two strangers meet for the first time they will lie three times in the first 10 minutes. On average, we are lied to between 10-200 times per day. My goodness, that is a lot of lying. Most of the time it is harmless, white lies but within our support group of friends and family we should expect more.
WHY? You ask. I want to live in my fantasy world. However, if you are ready to move your life forward you must have a realistic view of where and who you are. How do the people that love you, see you? Honestly see you. Not criticism. I mean, someone that can say “I don’t agree.” and “I think this….” “This is how I see you.”
We should surround ourselves with people that challenge us. To add insight on how others see us. Again, you ask WHY? Because we can rationalize everything that we do but judge others for the same action. We need healthy feedback. And a “yes man” just won’t do.
Ask your best friend, sister, brother, or husband: How would you describe me??
I did this for myself. It was not easy to hear all of it but at the same time I began to see myself through the eyes of the people that really loved me: strengths and weaknesses. I realized through this exercise that there are areas that need my attention and other areas that I was spot on. Now I ask for regular feedback from loved ones. Reflecting on their words helps me stay on the journey I want to be on.
(video reference above is from Ted Talks, Pamela Meyer: How to spot a Liar)
Creating a buzz…
Do you surround yourself with yes men or true friends?