Why do women shame other women for their choices?

Kim BrustCulturally, we have shamed women for wearing makeup, body type,  working, breast feeding or not, aging and even personality traits.

What are we doing?  Should I feel bad that I am curvy and not thin?  That I love to wear makeup, especially lipstick? That I love to work and wanted to have children? Why are my choices up for debate by other women and the media as to which is better for me?

Are we as women so insecure in our own choices that we must criticize and judge those that make different choices?  Isn’t it time to band together and accept each other for the choices we make, even when we might disagree?

Get right with yourself and your choices – then allow other women to do the same.  We are all on a journey, so let’s not define each other by our choices and shame those that chose differently!

Little by little…a small band of people can change the world.  Stop the shaming! Let’s spread the word!

Creating a buzz…….¯`•.¸¸.ஐ

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Baby Boomers and Getting Married

Kim BrustAccording to many studies, more and more baby boomers are becoming single and not wanting to get married.  This presents some questions that should be considered:

  • What happens if I get sick and can no longer work?
  • How will I afford retirement?
  • Do I have a plan for my funeral and final expenses?
  • Have I told anyone?
  • Who will I ask for help?

All these questions and more based on your personal situation.

Whether we are male or female, whether we took care of the finances, we need to have a plan and let the people we will rely on know it.  Too many times things take us by surprise and the decisions we make under stress are not as thought out as they should be.

If you are single, especially over 50, get a plan, share it with your loved ones right away.  Don’t let the wrong person decide for you.

Creating a buzz…….¯`•.¸¸.ஐ

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Do the right thing!

It is getting close to the end of the year and I need to get this off my chest!

I have worked in insurance for the last 25 years.  Over this time, families have changed.  We are blended, diverse and unique.  I have recently noticed that this year, I have had more deaths of people in their 50’s from accidents.  The families are devastated by the sudden death of a loved one.  However, that is not where the devastation ends. Unfortunately, the person thinks they have all the time in the world and does not prepare Kimberly Brustfor the eventuality.

Significant others for greater than 10 years; homeless, court-appointed personal representatives to divide the assets, children without money to pay for the final expenses. My comment is “How thoughtless!” The subsequent pain was so unnecessary. It is my experience that death brings out the worst in people.  The grief of those left behind makes decision making so emotional.  Many times things are done and words are spoken that will forever damage the relationships of the people left.

DO THE RIGHT THING! You know you are going to die. Don’t rely on the courts to do the right thing by your loved ones.  Take the power and control in your hands. See an attorney or go online and create your will, trust or whatever will be necessary to have your wishes done after you are gone.  Don’t make that the burden of the living.  No one truly knows what you would do.

Tomorrow could be your last day.

Creating a buzz……

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What are the events and circumstances that have shaped your life?

Events and circumstances shape our lives. What are the events and circumstances that have shaped your life? It is our past that shapes us – not our future.  Once you recognize you are in control of your future, you start to do things differently.  You stop the blame game!

futureYou create a road map for your future with you in control.  You cannot change what occurred before you took control.  But now that you are in the driver’s seat, you can shape your future, your way.

This is so liberating. You have the power to create a happy, fulfilling life or allow the same old thing to continue to happen to you. The possibilities are only limited by you.  So many people in history have created extraordinary lives simply because they recognized they were in control and were not going to let others determine their path.

Be fearless! Look for opportunities!  Ask for help! Surround yourself with people that inspire you! Educate yourself!

(Read the autobiography of Barbara Corcoran for inspiration)

Creating a buzz…..

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Why Do We Look For The Quick Fix?

My daughter recently graduated from high school. We had a couple hours together and reflected on our journey thus far.  We both knew that our journey had not been predicated on a ‘quick fix.’

The mantra from Jim Olson’s book, “The Slight Edge,” sums up the last 18 years: ” Small steps taken consistently over a long period of time with faith and burning desire.”

Kim Brust Quick FixThere was no pill, no book, no six months of therapy that would have given us the success we feel today. It started in kindergarten with tutoring three times a week until 10th grade, social skills classes every Saturday morning for five years, occupational therapy for two years once a week and daily listening, coaching and role playing.

We sat there in the pool together and I admitted there were times when I was afraid for her, and she admitted there were times she was afraid for herself, too. Then we laughed and admitted to putting on our big girl panties and pushing through. There were no short cuts! Everyday we took one more step toward our goals and dreams.

Today, I can honestly admit that she has taught me about determination – even when it felt insurmountable. I told her when she was little that I would provide every opportunity and then she would have to get all that she could out of it. She did. She is my hero!

But… the journey continues.

Creating a buzz……

*picture found on Pinterest

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Why the Bee?

The bee goes from one “bee” utiful thing to the next. Taking what is freely given and sharing to create other “bee” utiful things in their garden. And then, after all the hard work, takes home some of the gift to the family to create something spectacular…that is again used to nourish and create growth.

That is what our individual journey can be.  Even through the difficult times and hard decisions, growth comes and we will look back and see how far we have come.

Bee like the Bee: work everyday to create something “BEE” UTIFUL!

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The Right Thing + The Hardest Thing = The Same Thing

“Sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same thing”…. I have really had to consider this over the past few weeks. My journey has forced me to make decisions that I really did not want to make but in order to grow, the right thing was the hardest thing.

Kim BrustI am sure that many people were shocked by my recent decisions. I must admit, that I really was surprised that I had the courage to make the changes. The rest of my life will be forever effected.  Certainly, there will be some negative consequences. However, I know that for my long term goals and personal achievement, the decisions had to be carried out.

I look back and know that was so right back then had not moved forward with me. While I am sure I will grieve for what was lost, I am looking forward optimistically. I am also proud of being able to face the problem and do what I had to do. It makes me realize that going forward, my decisions may get harder but I can face the challenge.

I would love to hear about when the right thing was the hardest thing for you.

Creating a buzz…..

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Giving Up Just Felt Like Failure

Is there a time when you finally have to say “UNCLE?”

I never thought so until recently. Giving up just felt like failure. This just was not part of my plan; ever! I had convinced myself that failure was a reflection of the hard work that I put into something. So I would doggedly continue down the same path, doing the same thing because I just could not admit defeat.

Then I heard something that made me think about failure or giving up or changing the direction of my journey in a totally different way. Specifically “Fail Forward.”

There are times when you are going to fail. Sometimes in spite of yourself, things just don’t go as you need. But if you fail forward and you can take something valuable away from the experience then you are still moving forward on your journey.

I heard this about the same time as “fail forward:”

So just keeping aiming and don’t be afraid of taking a step back.

Creating a buzz……

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What Happens When Your Journey Turns Rocky and Survival Means Really Making Tough Decisions?

When forces outside my control forced me to think about my own survival, and make decisions that affected others in a negative way, how quickly all the years of doing for the very same people was forgotten.

Picture2It was ok for me to struggle, but goodness, don’t let that struggle touch them… Don’t get me wrong,  in a fight I am going to come out on top.  I will learn what I need to do, I will create solutions to improve the situation and I will diligently work until I am back on top again. I never give up. (and that is a topic for another day)

On that path, I realized that some people were coming with me and others were choosing another path.  And, in order for all of us to grow, I had to let go of some of the people from my past.  Our paths were divergent. As I have continued to pull myself up that rocky path and grown as a leader, I realized that I have changed and I was not the person that some of these people had known for all these years. In fact, they might not even like the new, improved (my opinion) me.  I HAD TO BE OK WITH THIS. I made those choices and these were the consequences.

Scared but hopefully looking forward……

Creating a buzz…

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What happens when your journey suddenly changes?

I have asked myself that question more times than I can even count now.

Suddenly, at 50, I realized my second marriage was collapsing, my 12 year old son was having psycho-somatic illnesses due to the stress in the house, my 15 year old daughter had just had an emotional breakdown and my 19 year old step son was so afraid that he would be homeless. I felt like I was in a war zone.  Moving from one crisis to the next. Not to mention, my business was losing revenue in the 6 digits.

Life's Journey

That was just over 2 years.  The radical change of direction in my journey brought me to a complete standstill.  I began to question everything, there have been times when friends, family and associates did not understand the decisions I was making. There was a part of me that wanted their approval.  But finally, I realized that I was on this journey, and that I had to make sure that the shoes I was wearing were comfortable for me.  I would need to walk in them for a long time.  For too many years, I had done what I was told to do, expected to do and felt obligated to do. I had to learn to trust myself.

I sat down with a list of things I wanted to take on my journey; my optimistic outlook, my leadership ability and the authentic ME.  (not the person I tried to be for others) I discarded all the stuff that did not feel right.

Then I made list of things I would need to improve the long term journey.  I need to get back to learning new things: business skills for a new market place, understand who I really am and what is really important to me and finally set boundaries for myself.

While 2 years may or may not sound like a long time, it has gone by with incredible speed.  Business is just starting to improve, my home life is happy (younger two are healthy and the step son was never homeless) and I wake up every day excited about where the journey will take me today.

Creating a buzz…….

*picture from https://twitter.com/wilsonmarc/media

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